LifeStyle: 10 crazy things we love about Lagos

In Lagos city, being normal is crazy, in a way. So it is not out of place to witness some cracked up scenes which, in normal climes, it will be out of place but here in our city, we take them as normal occurrences.

And boy, we love our Lagos. Lagos is quite a unique place to live. It is only in Lagos city that you find that things are done in a unique way.                       

Danfo drivers

In Lagos, the fear of the Danfo bus driver is the beginning of wisdom. They are the kings of the road and in every situation, they are always right. They have the right of way, so you do not argue with them.
The average Lagos bus driver is always in a hurry and woe betide you if you stand in their way.

They drive against traffic, take ‘one way’ and climb road medians at will. On the expressways, they are lords and masters of the road, cutting in and out of traffic as much as they want.

You are always the one at fault when they ram into your car and be prepared for their caustic tongues if they perceive you are not getting out of their ways fast enough.

Conductor

A Lagos bus conductor reminds you of Jet Li as he hangs firmly to the door of his Molue or Danfo bus. He doesn’t tolerate nonsense and he is ready to punch Mike Tyson and Muhammed Ali at the slightest provocation. Let me quickly warn you here. If your fare isn’t complete, please inform a Lagos bus conductor before you hop into his bus, otherwise you may have the devil to pay

street Trading

n Lagos, street trading has come to stay no matter the efforts of the state government to curb it. But why would they want to stop it in the first place?
Many career people depend on the street traders for their shopping as they are too busy to go to the conventional market.
In Lagos, you can buy everything you need for your pot of soup in traffic. In fact, you can even buy your household items in traffic. This makes Lagos fun for us.
                                                                   

Agberos

 am sure you will wonder who the ‘agberos’ are and why we enjoy their activities. Well, as a way of explanation, an agbero is a member of the National Union of Road Transport Workers, popularly called Up ‘Nasanal’. They are a law unto themselves, operating at the motor parks and bus stops.
Their job is to collect money from commercial motorists at the motor parks and bus stops, but they have taken the toll collection to another dimension as they actually extort money under duress.
                                                                           

Traffic

If you are a visitor to Lagos, you may find the traffic jams irritable, but for Lagosians can’t do without them. For you it is madness but we love them. In Lagos, be prepared for long winding queues when you visit this city of diverse population.
So, what’s special about Lagos traffic? It is just that we have come to be part of it and we actually look forward to it.
Our drivers simply do not know how to obey simple traffic rules. The Danfo drivers we mentioned earlier love the traffic so much because that is the time they will show their driving skills, driving ‘one way’ against oncoming vehicles.
Once there is a queue for any reason, they change lane and start driving against traffic. The longer the jam, the wilder they become.
                                                                       

Officers

In Lagos, anyone in a uniform is an officer – it does not matter the colour or make of the uniform.

They come with different names like LASTMA, KAI, VIO, Yellow Fever, Police, Army, Prison Warders, Man O’War, National Union, and Private Security. Just name them, they are called officers.

The thing they have in common is that they 'have' the right to hitch a ride at any time without paying the fare. They can also make an arrest if they see you crossing the road, taking a leak, talking along the streets or even making a phone call.
Ah, the officers are so powerful that they are now lords and if you dare them, Alausa is large enough for you.
                                                                     

Clubbing

Clubbing in Lagos is one of the most enjoyed activities by many. With many night clubs dotting the streets of the city, it is a shame, a crime in fact, if you allow the weekend to pass you by without going to a club. Some even club during weekdays anyway.

At such clubs, especially on the Lagos Island, you have ‘oppressors’ who make sure you are impressed with their champagne popping, big cars, shisha smoking, beautiful babes and their bling.
But what can a poor guy do? You just have to inhale their smoke and feel good. It is crazy but we love it.
                                                         

Celebrities

In Lagos, celebrities are ten for a kobo. And the funny thing is that many of them are so fake you do not even know where to place them. Just go to any club and see how they live their fake lives.

They go to Alaba Market and buy up fake chains and adorn themselves with them, dye their hair to rainbow colours, sag their trousers to knee level and speak with a funny accent which they think is American.

But many of them cannot buy a bottle of beer. We know them and we are not afraid to point them out. The few good ones… well, story for another day.
                                                                         

Churches

In Lagos city, one thing that stands out is the proliferation of churches. On every street, you can find over ten churches with some having just the pastor and his family as members.

On Friday nights, there will be a competition on which church makes the loudest noise during their vigils. On Sundays, it will turn into a conundrum and a cacophony of music from different speakers.
Yes,
 this spirituality is crazy, but we still love our Lagos.
                                                           

Owambe 

There is no party like a Lagos party, sang musician Banky W. We Lagosians love parties and no weekend is complete without an Owambe party.

The streets are closed, with a musician on the bandstand blaring loud music with the party goers dancing the night away. Dressed in ‘Aso-Ebi’ of different make and sizes, the Lagos party forms the crazy excitement of the city.

Recently, the Lagos State governor said Lagosians spend as much as N130 billion for parties every month but the beauty of the Owambe party is that jobless young men can go to the party and eat to their belly’s satisfaction, waiting for the next weekend to come